Saturday 31 December 2016

The 6 Most Fascinating Vending Machines Ever, Definitely

The content of our vending machines is a reflection of the culture we live in — we need these things so urgently that we built robots specifically designed to give them to us at all times. In our case, what we value the most is apparently Cheetos and diet soda, but different countries have different priorities. Hilarious, occasionally unnerving priorities.

You know that joke about how Japan has vending machines that sell “used” schoolgirl panties, for the pervert on the go? Well, two things: 1) It’s not a joke; they really have those. And 2) that’s not the weirdest vending machine product in the world:

#6. Live Crabs (China)

A vending machine that spits out live crabs sounds like something you’d see right before Freddy Krueger murders you in some needlessly elaborate fashion, but it’s a thing that exists in the real world too. Specifically, in China, where crabs are a popular seasonal meal. The rationale behind these machines, according to a store manager who owns one, is to assist you during those times when it’s late at night, all the seafood shops are closed, and you feel the sudden urge to “chow down on a hairy crab” (actual direct quote). See, that’s the difference between China and Japan; if it was the latter, you know that’d be a euphemism for something perverted. But nope, the Chinese really do get the hairy-crab munchies.


Before these machines, you had to settle for gluing cat hair on an ashtray and chewing that.

The crabs cost between $1.50 and $7.50, depending on how big and terrifying they are. And, yes, the fucking things are actually alive: The interior of the machine is kept at a temperature of 40 to 50 degrees F to convince the crabs it’s winter and make them hibernate inside their small plastic prisons. As anyone who works from home knows, the fact that they sleep late and the general lack of activity will keep the animal’s muscles soft and tangy — just like your palate demands. The shock of being abruptly pushed down a metal ramp is apparently enough to jolt the poor bastards awake, though:


Pictured: the original twist ending for The Matrix.

After that, it’s just a matter of declawing the crab, cracking its shell, dipping it in your favorite condiment (the machine also sells vinegar and ginger tea; no word on the BBQ sauce situation), and enjoying your snack. Which still sounds way less messy than opening a pack of Lays, come to think of it.

#5. Crack Pipes (Canada)

You assumed all the examples in this article would be from Asia, didn’t you, you racist monster? It turns out that North America is perfectly capable of putting weird shit inside vending machines too, as demonstrated by Canada’s convenient crack pipe dispensers. You just insert 25 maple-syrup-flavored cents and receive a fully usable Pyrex-brand glass pipe (the discerning addict’s choice of drug paraphernalia).


Remember to remove the wrapping before putting it in your mouth.
You don’t know what chemicals could be there.

Shockingly, this isn’t part of some edgy art installation or an initiative of Canada’s Chris Farleyest mayor: The machines were installed in Vancouver by a nonprofit organization that looks out for the city’s homeless and at-risk residents. Selling crack pipes in a drug rehabilitation center may seem counter-productive (not to mention grossly opportunistic), but the logic behind it is sound. Without something like this, Vancouver’s crack users would be getting their pipes from the black market, where they’re sold at up to $10. These exorbitant prices force the addicts to share the pipes, which can spread disease, or reuse chipped or broken pipes, which is an ingredient in a fantastic recipe for spreading HIV.

The vending machines “devalue” the product and minimize the harm, while also giving crack users the motivation to get their asses to a place where they could get another type of help.


The machines are strategically placed so that if you buy all the pipes in one location
and want more, you have to pass through the detox place.

Although there’s been talk of exporting these babies to London, the Canadian government doesn’t actually condone the project. The opposite of that, in fact: They’ve tried to shut it down. After all, can you imagine how embarrassing it would be if people started associating the Canadian authorities with smoking crack?

#4. Anime-Themed Canned Bread (Japan)

“Bread in a can … in a mechanical box” probably isn’t the most disturbing thing that Japanese anime has inspired, but it’s certainly one of the most unexpected. Just putting loaves of bread inside cans is bizarre enough, so the fact that Japan has slapped drawings of occasionally scantily clad teens on the receptacles and then placed them inside machines is like the odd-tasting frosting on top.

Bread in cans first became popular in 2006 thanks to Clannad, a partially bread-themed romance video game that spawned comics, TV shows, and … you know, bread. The main heroine’s parents operate a bakery, so the publishers decided it made sense to do this:


It never makes sense to do this, kids.

Fans said, “Yes, of course, this is a perfectly logical endeavor we should give money to,” and just like that, canned bread became a thing. Today, there are several brands of canned vending machine bread offered in flavors like apple, wild grapes, or chocolate. Fun fact: If you spread Nutella on the chocolate-flavored one, your entire family gets diabetes.

And yet, as odd as it may sound, we have to admit there’s something strangely … pleasant about extracting a tightly packed circular bread from a metal container. We dare you to watch the following video in its entirety without experiencing at least one tiny little orgasm:


It’s imp … ahh … ossible.

#3. Real Gold (United Arab Emirates)

Say you’re on your way to the lodge meeting when you realize you forgot to tell Jasper to load a few sacks of gold into the limousine. What will the chaps at the country club say? How will you summon H’laarghb’yn The Forgotten without an offering of riches to go with the 15 sacrificial virgins? Well, no longer will you have to suffer the indignity of carrying around wads of mundane, filthy cash — not when you can simply trade it for shiny metals in the nearest Gold To Go vending machine. Whether you intend to buy 1 gram for $35 or 1 ounce for $1,100, this is a great way to get rid of that pesky pocket change.


Those quacking sounds you hear are just the tiny Scrooge McDuck
that spontaneously formed inside this thing.

After a trial run in Frankfurt, Germany, the first of these so-called gold ATMs was officially unveiled in the most opulent hotel in the United Arab Emirates in 2010, but they’ve since spread out to places like malls, airports, and bus terminals, some even as far as the sinister nation of Peru. The machine dispenses not only gold but also diamonds and other precious stones, but, unfortunately, you can’t just jiggle it a bit in the hopes that a small fortune (or at least a Snickers bar) might fall out — they were tested with explosives to make sure they were absolutely theft-proof.


There are also guards around them at all times to enforce that you dress
as a sheik while withdrawing the gold.

Finally, the machine is linked 24/7 to an online system that accurately reflects the price of precious metals and jewels in real time, and … wait, does that mean this thing can get a solid Internet signal inside a hotel?! OK, now we’re impressed.

#2. Pet Rhinoceros Beetles (Japan)

Due to the realities of modern life, children these days no longer do many of the things previous generations took for granted — wholesome traditions of yore like setting up lemonade stands, swimming in the lake, or capturing horned beetles and training them to murder each other in makeshift arenas. That last part probably applies only if you live in Japan, where adults remember the gross insects they played with in their childhoods as fondly as you recall your Fisto from He-Man action figure.

Of course, with families moving away to the city and kids generally not giving much of a shit about nature anymore, there was only one way to preserve this beloved custom: stuffing live bugs into vending machines.


They’re more like Kafkaesque apartment buildings, to be honest.

Female beetles go for around $1, while males cost around three times as much because of their mighty horns, and also because the wage gap exists even in the insect kingdom. Children then train the beetles and pit them against other kids’ specimens in combat or tug-of-war competitions; the objective is to be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them is the real test. To train them is the cause.


It is imperative that you capture ’em all, is our point.

As for how the vending machine operators keep the beetles alive: Sometimes they’ll put food inside their plastic containers, but that’s not always necessary, because these hideous little bastards are so popular that the kids buy them all up within hours — or at least they did back in the ’90s, when that article was written. Maybe they’ve all moved on to something less gross by now, like playing with actual turds.

#1. Cars (China)

No, not toy cars. Not even fancy model cars. Actual, honest-to-God cars.

OK, fine, electric cars. But still: real cars that you can get in and drive places. The concept works just like the vending machine at your workplace and even costs around the same: You walk up to the Kandi Machine garage building in Hangzhou, China, pay a little over $3, and the mechanism serves up a 50-miles-per-hour, electric-powered vehicle that is yours for the next 60 minutes.


Or 30 minutes if Jenny from HR shows up and asks for “a little bite.”
WE PAID FOR THIS, JENNY.

Once you’re done, you can leave the vehicle at one of the many drop-off points and walk away hoping the next driver enjoys the fart you left bouncing around in there. The idea, incidentally, is to help combat pollution in China before the country is completely swallowed by a cloud of smog and no one sees it again. Kandi’s CEO plans to expand these facilities all over China and have at least 750 such garages available in Hangzhou alone. That should cover about -0.02 percent of China’s population, but still, it’s a nice idea.


It’s still bullshit that they don’t stock Skittles, though.

The outside world is a weird and scary place. Case in point: There are dudes who marry their sex dolls. Check that out and more in 25 Insane Subcultures You Won’t Believe Actually Exist. Or learn about dudes that like their nuts squashed in The 17 Creepiest Sexual Subcultures Around The World.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_22992_canadian-crack-pipes-6-weird-and-real-vending-machines.html

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source http://www.millermachine.net/the-6-most-fascinating-vending-machines-ever-definitely/

All Of Them Are Time Machines…

Read more: http://www.ifunny.com//pictures/all-them-are-time-machines/

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source http://www.millermachine.net/all-of-them-are-time-machines/

23 Machines That Are Too Sexy For Their Own Good

There’s nothing wrong with a little experimentation, people. Life’s short, so what’s the harm in trying anything once. We say all this because, well, you’re about to see some images that might make you feel funny in places you wouldn’t expect them too. Because, as it turns out, sexiness isn’t reserved to buxom ladies and buff dudes — it translates to vehicles so awesome they’re literal works of art.

We had our readers pull together some stylish, provocative pictures of beautiful works of mechanical creation. The winner is below, but first the runners-up …

#23.


by elendirl

#22.


by Chan Teik Onn

#21.


by gicusudoru

#20.


by radiation

#19.


by Douglas A. McDonnell

#18.


by radiation

#17.


by elendirl

#16.


by radiation

#15.


by Mozartella

#14.


by radiation

#13.


by adiplotti

#12.


by gicusudoru

#11.


by Zanandi

#10.


by adiplotti

#9.


by CasperMilktoast

#8.


by ErasmusPezdun

#7.


by Vincent Pall

#6.


by elendirl

#5.


by Zapp Rowsdower

#4.


by ChevySpoons

#3.


by Zapp Rowsdower

#2.


by Chan Teik Onn

And the winner is …

Congrats, adiplotti. You win money.


by adiplotti

Want in on this?

We are offering so many opportunities for you to win some dough that it’d be insane if you didn’t get in on this. Aside from our photoplasties ($100 per contest) and GIF contest ($150), we are paying out 10 winners for our macro contests. And YES, you can win all 10 spots ($350 payout) if you’ve got the skills to blow our minds that many times.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_1770_23-machines-that-are-too-sexy-their-own-good/

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source http://www.millermachine.net/23-machines-that-are-too-sexy-for-their-own-good/

Friday 30 December 2016

self-guiding Segway-like combustible death machines

Read more: https://imgflip.com/

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source http://www.millermachine.net/self-guiding-segway-like-combustible-death-machines/

Before We Work On Virtual Reality, We Need To Figure Out Why Bowling Pin Machines Still Knock Down A Full Set Of Pins When The Previous Bowler Got A Zero

Tech companies are doubling down on virtual reality, with just about every major player racing to put their headsets in the hands of consumers. This new technology is already a crowded field, with contenders like Facebooks Oculus Rift, PlayStation VR, Microsoft HoloLens, and Google Cardboard, among others. Still, I think that before we pursue further advancements in virtual reality, we need to focus on figuring out why bowling pin machines knock down a full set of pins when the last bowler got two gutter balls.

I dont deny that it would be thrilling to strap on a pair of goggles and get transported to a breathtaking virtual world, but shouldnt we first ask ourselves why bowlers have to wait for the machine to knock down 10 perfectly placed pins, then reset them exactly where they were? It makes no sense, and quite frankly, its a problem that demands a solution.

The most perplexing thing is that this seems like an easy problem to solve. Bowling alleys already track how many pins players knock down, so it would be a relatively simple coding challenge to instruct the machine to leave untouched pins alone. The engineers at Oculus Rift could probably bang out the software in an afternoon, then go right back to working on virtual reality.

Bowling alleys already track how many pins players knock down, so it would be a relatively simple coding challenge to instruct the machine to leave untouched pins alone.

Of course, Im interested in concepts like augmented reality, where we can insert virtual elements into the real world. But to me, all of this is worth exactly bupkis if I still have to stand there like an idiot waiting for the bowling lane to reset all 10 pins I just failed to knock down. With the amount of time wasted annually standing around while a machine engages in this utterly meaningless task, we could probably double, if not triple the rate at which were developing virtual reality.

I know some might argue that these innovations arent mutually exclusive. They might say that we could use virtual reality to create a new world where all bowling pin machines, regardless of when they were built, understand that two gutter balls in a row means theres no need to knock down all the pins that are still standing there. Perhaps, in this world, no time is wasted, and everyone is more efficient.

I believe that we shouldnt settle for a blissful artificial reality. We should want more for ourselves, right here and right now. Yes, virtual reality will be amazing, but that doesnt mean we should ignore problems in the real world. We shouldnt have to choose. If tech companies act responsibly, we can enjoy both VR and bowling thats free of pointless pin reset delays, and thats a future Im looking forward to.

Read more: http://www.clickhole.com/features/news/

The post Before We Work On Virtual Reality, We Need To Figure Out Why Bowling Pin Machines Still Knock Down A Full Set Of Pins When The Previous Bowler Got A Zero appeared first on Machines.



source http://www.millermachine.net/before-we-work-on-virtual-reality-we-need-to-figure-out-why-bowling-pin-machines-still-knock-down-a-full-set-of-pins-when-the-previous-bowler-got-a-zero/

If Time Machines Were Built By Real Men

You can tell a lot about a person by how they use their time machine. Too often we see chrononauts waste their awesome power to perform at a high school dance or looper a looplooper of themselves. Rip Hunter … Time Master didn’t fret around time like an asshole. All day he was riding giant crabs or jump-kicking aliens, and his three sidekicks didn’t give a shit that none of it had anything to do with time. If Rip Hunter told their time sphere to go back to the era of giant crabs, it only said, “FUCKING VROOM.”

His adventures were, without exception, an unrelenting assault of fists and nonsense. Rip Hunter handled time travel with all the grace of Bill Cosby repositioning a lover, which is a great joke after you learn he uses a snow shovel. Rip left ray guns with cavemen. He punched out world leaders. He once collected Cleopatra, Helen of Troy, and other historical women just to see who was prettiest and it instantly turned into a catfight. The point is, he’s the best and you’re in luck, because I’ve uncovered a classic Rip Hunter … Time Master adventure never seen before. Man Comics presents:

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/

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source http://www.millermachine.net/if-time-machines-were-built-by-real-men/

Thursday 29 December 2016

Baby Killing Machines.

Read more: http://imgur.com/gallery/kfdmsFb

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source http://www.millermachine.net/baby-killing-machines/

These machines are taken

Read more: http://imgur.com/gallery/ocxSeib

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How Vending Machines Detect Fake Coins

Read more: http://imgur.com/gallery/5vy7Bv7

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source http://www.millermachine.net/how-vending-machines-detect-fake-coins/

Byte Foods raises $5.5 million for smart vending machines that serve local fare

Apple juniper kombucha or a BBQ chopped salad may soon replace the can of soda and bag of chips in a vending machine at your office.

A San Rafael-based startup called Byte Foods has raised $5.5 million in seed funding to popularize its smartvending machines and delivery service stocking them with nutritious food and drinks from local vendors.

If the idea of the internet-connected vending machine sounds a bit familiar, it has been around for more than a decade,actually.But according to marketresearch byBerg Insight, only 1.5 million of the worlds 17 million vending machines are actually internet-connected today.

Byte Foods is poised to grow as the IoT share of this market does as well. Berg predicts by 2020, the world will have at least 3.6 million internet-connected vending machines in circulation.

Bytes married cofounders Lee and Megan Mokri previously ran a business called 180 Eats delivering chef-prepared meals to subscribers, something similar to services offered by Munchery.

But when they spotted a kind of smart refrigerated kiosk,made by Lemnos Labs alumni Pantry Retail Inc., they had a vision to change their business and brand entirely.

Byte VP of sales and marketing, Lee Mokri said, It just made a lot more sense to deliver a lot of meals at once to one place, versus a lot of individual meals to different doors.

The founders licensed one of Pantrys machines, and convinced a local employer to keep it at their offices, loaded up daily with the foods and beverages employees there craved.

byte-foods-1

The machinesfeature a menu display that users can scroll through for product info, and a card reader where they can swipe to pay for whatever they want.

Customers can take anything they like out of the vending machine to examine it without risk of being billed erroneously if they put the items back. RFID tags are affixed to each item, and tell the machine automatically theitems a customer carried away, and how much to charge their card.

Byte has developed software to predict demand for different items at each office where its machines are stationed. Thesoftware also helps Byte manage relationships with over 1,000 vendors, and engage indynamic pricing, a.k.a. surge pricing, to facilitate sales of every last item before it spoils.

Bytessoftware also lets corporations subsidize and track aggregate data about their employees snacking habits, or participation in a meal perks program.

Some companies today use Byte to offer food and drinksfor free to employees who are working after a certain hour,for example. The plan can help smaller companies provide a meal perk long before theyll be able to afford a Google-style cafeteria.

After a successful test period with the Pantry machines, Lee and Megan Mokri rebranded as Byte Foods, and acquired Pantry this May, in an all-stock deal.

Now, Byte has raised $5.5 million in a seed round led by Spring Creek Investment Management, a family fund based in Philadelphia with a special interest in food and agriculture. Other investors in this round included hardware focused fund, Bolt, and Bessemer Venture Partners.

Spring Creeks Jin Park, who is now a board member at Byte, said he expects the company to invest its seed funding into growth initiatives.

He said, Byte is fine tuning their food offering and variety, which is important in attracting repeat customers. There are many opportunities here to partner with various local food providers.

Byte

Byte Foods CEO and cofounder Megan Mokri.

The customer facing-side of their technology works well already. One key revenue driver will be expanding the number of refrigerators and driving down the delivery costs by having route density.

Byte CEO Megan Mokri noted, Our tech doesnt exist anywhere else. We have inbound requests from all over the world to either license it or use our service

Mokri said she aims to have Byte vending machines cost less than traditional vending machines, or keeping a stocked mini-fridge in the office. The company will be saturating the San Francisco Bay Area with its vending machines andtemperature-controlled food delivery trucks but declined to say when it will expand into a new geography.

Additionally, the CEO said Byte is developing software that will let customers be able to opt in for deals on their favorite items, freebie samples of new foods, or for alerts that tell them when one of their preferred foods or drinks goes on sale.

Read more: https://techcrunch.com/2016/12/28/byte-foods-raises-5-5-million-for-smart-vending-machines-that-serve-local-fare/

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source http://www.millermachine.net/byte-foods-raises-5-5-million-for-smart-vending-machines-that-serve-local-fare/